Mediation & Conflict Solutions (MCS) is a valuable community resource if you think you have a problem you can't solve on your own. But before you call us, you may want to try to resolve the situation yourself, using the tips presented here, courtesy of Minneapolis Mediation Program.
Steps to resolve a conflict
Think of a constructive way to deal with the situation before you speak.
- Both people agree to some ground rules:
- Do not interrupt.
- Use "I" messages.
- Avoid name calling or insults.
- Speak only for yourself, not for anyone else.
- The first person tells her or his view of the situation.
- The second person restates what the first person said before stating his or her view of the situation.
- Steps 2 and 3 are repeated with a restatement of the other person's view before adding information of your own.
- Both people suggest possible solutions. All ideas are written down.
- Both people agree on a solution from the list.
- "I feel..." (state the feeling)
- "when you..." (describe the other person's behavior)
- "because..." (describe the results of that behavior)
- "I want..." (state what would correct the situation for you)
- Clarify: Get more information, ask questions. For example: "So, are you saying that you felt angry when I did that?"
- Restate: Say in your own words what you heard the other person say, including their feelings. For example: "What I hear you saying is that you didn't like it when I took the car without permission and that you were worried about me. Is that correct?"
- Encourage: Use neutral, non-threatening words to help the other person say more about the situation and how they feel. For example: "Could you tell me more about that?"